If All The Hippies, Cut Off All Their Hair...

Found this kick ass blanket at the mall the other day. The indian guy running the place even gave me $5 off for no reason. I would have bought it any way, but of well. Whenever I think of Jimi, I recall the night me and Scott were cruisin' home in the Fairlane, and we kept saying, "No one in the entire world but us are cruising in a baby blue, 1961 Ford Fairlane 2 door post, jamming to Jimi fucking Hendrix right now," as If 6 were 9 blared in our ears.

Passwords, A Matter of Life... and Death

"Under NO circumstances use another's signon unless it is life and death, and then make sure you are backed by someone more in charge than you are." -I & T Guy in my condescending reprimand email.
(I'll try and keep that in mind when I really am in a life and death sitch.)

God, The Bulldozer

A while back I encountered a patient with an amazing story. He didn't talk too much about it, he was still in a little bit shock, so I got most of what happened from his chart. I swear that it is all true, and I am making none of it up.

This gentleman was cruising down the highway when he collapsed over the steering wheel, coming to a clumbsy stop in the grass at the side of the highway in a contruction zone. He was suffering what the lay person would call a heart attack, but what is usually referred to as a ventricular rhythm. He was dying, and quickly.

Well, of course this caused quite a stir among the workers at the site. They immediately began doing what they do best, standing around and staring. Luckily one person did have the sense to call 911. The chart stated that the workers observed that he wasn't moving, and was turning gray.

All of this commotion grabbed the attention of the individual operating the bulldozer that day. Now I'm not sure what the top speed of a bulldozer is but I figure that it can't be too quick even at full throttle, therefore can't be too hard to handle. Maybe it was wet out, I don't know, but what I do know is that this yay-hoo lost control of his bulldozer and crashed into the guy's truck. Now normally this would be categorized as "adding insult to injury," but it this case the jolt deployed the airbag, essentially administering a precordial thump, reviving the man. His heart popped back into rhythm, resuming the blood flow to his brain, saving his life.

Soon after, Air Care arrived, and took the man to where he lay when I met him. In the chart it stated that his heart had to be shocked back into rhythm 6, yes, 6 more times on the way to the hospital.

So, I ask you, just like the annoying billboards ask, "If You Died Today, Would God Run Into Your Car With a Bulldozer?"

3 Unrelated Items

Everytime I log onto my hotmail account on the right side of the screen is an ad for some toenail fungus medication that is really gross.

I read somewhere that it is nearly impossible to fold any size piece of paper in half seven times. I tried it a couple of times and it is pretty freaking hard.

And here's a picture of Scott's 56 because it is so bitchin.

Soon... the most amazing story about a patient I saw a while back. Don't worry, no names or dates.

The Dentist's Chair In The Basement

Talking to my brothers while on vacation, I was reminded of some of the various things that spent time in the basement of our house. Dad was always bringing things home, but instead of kittens or puppies, it was usually cast off items from the hospital he worked at.

One day we became the proud new owners of a used bumper pool table. I thought at first it was just a small pool table, but turns out it had all these mushroom like bumper things that made the game of pool impossible. I can't tell you how many shots would bounce out of the hole and back onto the table. We were later informed by my dad that the table's previous location was the psych ward. We were fascinated. "This table has been around crazy people!" we all would say. "Wow, how many crazies play pool?" we wondered aloud. Looking back, I believe that if you want to help someone regain their sanity, letting them play bumper pool is probably a bad idea.

The insane bumper table was later replaced by a regulation sized pool table. We were so excited. A real table, it was going to be awesome. These thoughts of joy were soon lost when we actually started to play pool. The slate was actually a piece of warped plywood, and after you the break, all of the balls would come to a rest against the same rail. It was a little like putt putt pool. Also hampering our efforts was the fact that the table took up 90% of the room, ensuring that the cue stick would always hit the wall on your backswing. But, we made the best of the situation.

Soon joining the warped pool table was a dental chair. Yes, a dental chair. The thing was huge, and weighed about 600 pounds. We recently asked my dad his reasoning behind bringing it home, and even he couldn't offer an acceptable explanation. We would sit in it, go up, go down, pretend to give each other root canals... it really wasn't as fun as it sounds. It stayed there until we moved to Florida. We asked my dad what he ultimately did with it. He said that he sold for about 100 bucks. We asked who he sold it to, and he said, "I don't know, some guy that wanted a dentist chair in his basement."

My Quick Vacation

Went down to Mississippi to visit my dad and brothers this weekend. Had alot of fun. Even though we didn't ride atv's (Ryan's is on the fritz), we still got out and did a few things.

First thing I did when I hit town was buy a BB gun at the Wal-Mart. Although now I regret not buying the fully automatic model. I will use it to shoot at the ferrel cats that crawl all over my cars from the back window in my apartment. Don't worry, the BB's are these little plastic things, and I couldn't hit water from a boat with it.

Had the best steak I have eaten in a long time in a restaurant that resembled a shed inside and out. It was called the County Barn or something. (Thanks, dad.)

Here is a picture of my dad. He is using a set of jumper cables to try and pull down a dead tree limb. I was sure that hilarity would ensue, but alas, the tree would not give in, and he said he would just grab one of the many chainsaws laying around the place and finish it off later.

Had a lot of fun in Neil's Mustang. If you click here you can see a quick clip of us on the back roads. We had to let up because of an oncoming car. It's killer to ride in. I think everyone should have one.

Finally, here is the kind of thing that shows upon your camera when you leave it sitting around brothers.

Pablo's Sales Guys

Well, had my camera all day today, but didn't see anything cool like a drug bust or crash happen. But, I did take my camera to my dinner with Hannah.

I went ahead and took a picture of the tool that was yelling repeatedly for our server's attention while we ordered from her. She finally glared over and told him to wait just a second. Even Hannah thought it was weird of him. If you look at the picture, he seems to think there is a discrepency on his bill. Doesn't he just look like the guy that would yell for your server's attention while you ordered? I think that a date rape charge may be in his history somewhere too. If you look closely, you can see a closed laptop. When we walked in he was doing some kind of power point presentation for two of his cronies. Don Pablo's is a great place to close a deal, I guess.















As you can tell from this pic, we enjoyed our chips anyway.

Digital Camera

I'm starting to carry my digital camera with me more as I drive. I'm doing this because I was waiting at the Edwards/Madison Ave intersection the other day and witnessed a high speed pursuit end at the brand new BP station.

I swore he was going to plow into me while I waited at the light. But instead a 3rd cop car cut him off at the exit. They all came running and screaming at the man with guns drawn. He didn't look too terrified or anything, kind of calm really. I still think about how cool of a picture that would have been.

Well, I'm off to work, with my camera in hand. I did hear that TI and his posse got into a gun battle last night on 75 and 4 of them are at my hospital. I'm wondering if I'll run into any of them today.

Business Card Ass

I was browsing the tavern wench blog earlier, and couldn't help but notice how guys use their business cards as part of their arsenal to pick up women in bars. It seems to happen more often when an older guy is trying to score a much younger chick, maybe because most younger guys don't carry business cards.

I don't have a business card. Maybe I could make my own though. "C. Breedlove" it would read. "CEO, Cardiology/Drag Racing Division"

Ok, so what happens to these cards after Mr. Important hands them out? Well I know the fate of 2 of them. The one in the above mention bog wound up in a pasta dish, the other one? Well it fell into my hands.

Mr. Kundrata made his play on a girl here at work. He evidently works for Delta and the government or something. He's looking for someone younger (in this case 15 years younger) to fly around the world and to bear his children, because as he puts it "There are too many risks in a woman his age bearing a child." Or, as I would put it, "They'll probably be retarded." His closer, "Oh, did I tell you I met the Pope one day?" Yeah, we googled him and in his little hometown paper there was a story on the local that met the Pope.

Well, she didn't call him. Sad, I know. So I took a pic of his card with what I think is a great improvement that will surely bag him the 20 something girl of his dreams.

Shelob Visits

This morning I was, getting ready for work when I looked up and saw a fairly large spider sliding down from the ceiling. I wasn't scared of the thing, but have been bitten before, I figured I'd rather not have it in my bathroom.

The problem was that I was in mid shower. So, I started flicking water up at it. After several attempts, I succeeded in forcing him to beat a retreat back up his strand. Only after about 3 or 4 inches back upwards, his resolve stiffened, and he started back down. I returned to flicking water again in between trying to finish my shower. It was: wash, flick-flick, rinse, flick-flick... I was trying my best to keep him in the air and out of my shoes.

This was working fine until I glanced around the curtain and noticed I was soaking my fresh roll of toilet paper and peppering a book that I had just bought, not to mention the clothes I had set out to put on.

So, I finished my shower, leaned out, grabbed the Dave Chappelle edition of Esquire, rolled it up, and whacked his ass... right towards my clean clothes. I thought, "Fuck, why does this shit always happen to me?" A debate raged in my head on whether I had hit it hard enough to kill it, or just stun it, or just piss it off. Taking no chances, now running a little behind schedule, I shook the hell out of all of my clothes before I put them on.

So far, I haven't felt any bites or anything, so maybe Chappelle got the job done.

Waterfall Update

My on again, off again relationship with the office building waterfall continues.

I noticed yesterday that it didn't sound like it was pouring cats and dogs outside. I looked out, and the huge waterfall across the street had been turned off. Evidently, Hyde Park residents DO NOT tolerate their cars getting doused by a fake office building waterfall for long.

Now, if you want to tear down local neighborhoods...

I Think My Brothers Are Too Funny

"Neil says that I talk about work too much, but I'm going to anyway."

-Ryan B.

Who The Hell Steals a Dog?

It all started just the other day, when I noticed that the grass out in front of my apartment was getting obnoxiously high. I mean, like a foot tall.

So I called the landlord's assistant, Rosemary, and asked if the maintenance guy, John, was going to cut the grass. I also inquired about the status of him installing my window unit a/c. (I had requested the a/c be installed a week or so ago, but made the mistake of mentioning that it wasn't anything urgent.) She informed me that he was getting around to it, and that the grass would be cut soon. I was really trying to not be that pain in the ass renter, but the grass was embarrassingly high. So high, that I had noticed that the neighbors had stopped letting their dog go to the bathroom in it for what I thought was a fear of losing it in the brush. This was a little bit of a good thing, I didn't have to warn Hannah about the turds normally awaiting her arrival to my place.

Later that day I came home to the sound of a lawn mower hacking it's way through the 5x20 patch of grass that posed as our front yard. My cordial wave hello was returned by what I swear was a dirty look. I stopped and said hi to my dog loving neighbors on my way up. They assumed that I was the one who called and "got John out there" to mow. I told them that it was crazy high, and that they couldn't even let there dog out the front anymore, and that's when they dropped the bomb...

Someone had stolen their dog, and that is why I hadn't seen it in the front yard lately. My neighbors choked up as they related the story to me. Evidently, Larry had walked with his beloved poodle down to the Speedway to get some cigs. As he was inside, someone picked up the dog and ran off with it. I glanced over at Chris and noticed how pained he was. I'm not really a dog lover, but this really angered me. Who would steal someone's dog? It wasn't some pure bred or anything, just a cute little poodle. I looked Larry in the eye and said, "If I ever find out who stole Buttercup, I will kick their ass." And I meant it.

I walked up the stairs and proceeded to install the a/c my damn self. I figure that if the unit falls out window and onto one of the ever smiling Mexican guys that live next door, that's the landlord's fault.

More background people

Here's a new picture of Hannah with her cousing Taylor. I took them to Skyline the other day. I am again also interested in the local West Chester resident in the background. I think that he is either getting ready to enjoy an oyster cracker, or is kind of sad or something.

Don't Go Chasin' Waterfalls...

The other day I was really bummed because it was raining and I couldn't take my old car out for a ride to see if all the work I had done on it was still holding up. When I got home from work it wasn't raining too hard just sprinkling really, but after a while it was just pouring. I laid on my couch and just watched tv.

Well, after an hour or so of pouring rain, I looked out the window, and it didn't look like it was raining at all. I went out front and noticed that the sound that I took as a steady soaking rain was really just the office building's new waterfall that they had started up. I felt duped. The water actually gets blown off the faux rocks and onto the cars sitting at the stoplight, which is unfortunate, because the light takes about 20 minutes to turn green.

You can barely make out the water fall in this picture, they turn on these blue lights at night. I have been told that I am lucky, and that it's like I have my own personal waterfall in my front yard, but I can't help but remember how we got off on the wrong foot.

Fairlane Update

Well, after many hours, a few cuss words, and even a few prayers, the big Ford is on her feet again. Overall, things went pretty smoothly. Nothing outrageous happened, and me and Scott got along great during the whole build. I've posted a few pictures to show the progress.

Here's Scott working on the new motor. If you look closely in the left of the picture is Harry. Harry is Scott's 80 year old neighbor who would periodically stop by and offer his "encouragement". Well, it was more like criticism or tough love. He is a really nice guy who evidently is sick and tired of how the local kids drive way to fast down his alley. Oh, and he swears he saw a pack of 15 (yes 15) cats last night in the same alley, and a single white squirrel in his front yard one day. We were really glad that he wasn't around when we had to pull the radiator back out to install the fan because we figured he'd say, "Well, I would never had made that mistake."
















Here's me checking out the motor before we try and fire it up. It took a little bit of tweaking, but once the distributor was dailed in, it started right up. I was very relieved. Then, after 3 seconds, it died. After a quick check, I realized that I hadn't hooked up the fuel line.















Finally up and running, late into the night. But so far worth all the work. Oh, and yeah, I took off the bumper, problem with that??

Kabaka, what a wookie...

I heard that there was a shooting outside of city hall yesterday, but I'm pretty sure that it was just teenagers popping balloons.

Oh yeah. Rumor has it that the guy that shot him was spotted in the hospital yesterday around 4:30 looking to finish the guy off. There were about 50 police officers around here about that time.

Adrenaline Flunkie

A while back I watched an episode of "Jack Osbourne- Adrenaline Junkie." This kid couldn't run 40 feet without being gassed, but he was training to climb some mountain somewhere. Well, to get into shape, he decides to dip his toe into Mui Thai boxing. Now if you didn't know, that is a great way to get your ass kicked in a hurry if you don't know what you are doing (and he doesn't).

Well, I decided that it would be cool to see him get his ass served to him, so I stuck with it. The guy he was fighting was this older dude with a record of 150-30 or something. The old guy punched pretty hard, but rocked the Mui Thai muffin top.

Finally, they fought, and I swear, to my bitter disappointment the old guy took a dive. I felt ripped off. But I envied the guy for playing along. I doubt he had any real idea who Jack was. Maybe he would have dropped him if he had known, though.

Here's Jack in training. Things didn't look like they'd go his way, I thought.

Here's the fight. Jack looks in better shape, the other guy is a little chubby, but I would still figure he'd kick his ass. Jack just touched him on the chin, and down he went, kind of smirking I thought. An hour of build up for that. Note the 'hawk.

Oh well. I never saw another episode. I figured that if he couldn't climb the mountain, they'd just helicopter his ass up there like he did it anyway.

Soccer Day, AKA: A 7 Year Old's Weekly Nightmare

I believe that the West Chester Soccer League's rule book mentions somewhere to never cancel a game no matter what Mother Nature throws at them. They will play in any condition; rain, snow, 20 degree weather with 50mph winds... The latter is the category that last Saturday fell into.

My seven year little girl however, does not share their dedication. The warmth we felt in the truck tricked her into getting her soccer equipment on and out onto the field. She immediately knew that this just wasn't her bag, and it was a struggle to keep her in the game. She did eventually finish, and played one of her better games.
Here she is in the line where they do drills. I think you can tell she is just moments from running off and towards me. Out 100 girls that showed up that day, she hath protest the loudest of all of them about being made to play in the cold. Keep it real, girl.
Here is a picture I took afterwards at Steak n' Shake. I'm just fascinated by the snarling kid that happened to be in the background.

The Fairlane Project

Well, after many miles and many cases of oil, the motor in the Fairlane finally started to give out. It spun a bearing, and if you don't know what that means, don't worry, just hope it doesn't happen to you.

But, me and my friend Scott have chosen to rebuild the old girl, and with lots of luck, and probably just as much cash, hopefully she'll be up on her feet again in no time. I have chosen to document the procedure here, and hopefully it will end in success, not like that show on TLC the other day "Face Eating Tumor," where they flashed a 3 second screen of text coldly letting me know that the kid died like 5 days after the cameras left.

Here I am looking over the hurt motor one last time before we get started. Can you tell that I am just a littled saddened?

Fast forward 3 hours, and here I am at the controls of the hoist, lifting the engine out of the car. I'm trying not to scratch anything, but that's the way it goes, Lefty.

The end of day one. The motor is out, and the Fairlane awaits her new heart. Hopefully the one we have runs right, or it's going to be a long couple of weeks.